End of the Year

I went through about 10 titles for this before I settled on "End of the Year".

I guess this will be the typical summary of the year 2009, the ups and the downs, the rights and the wrongs.

This year started out pretty damn rough, financially and emotionally. The struggle/ stubbornness to grasp onto any assistance offered by family and friends. The outright disregard for others feelings, which is not typical of me at all or so I thought. It seems that every year before this I was alone and was fine with being alone, but it was the way I went about it. Some people would say that I am just like every other guy out there, trying to run through women like its a 10k race. Others who really know me for me would understand my struggle to manage life in general, "life is tough" - a weak platitude.

My first blog ever was back in August about a belligerent night with some friends and realizing in the midst of the everything that no one will ever be truly happy, everyone just settles for what they have in front of them at that very moment because they are afraid of being alone ...

I am ending this year differently than the past. I am in a wonderful relationship, I have a grasp now and see an end to my financial struggles. At the end of 2009 I can say that I am happy with a huge dorky smile.

A new outlook on things

August 15, 2009

After a relentless week of work and finals, I was determined to let loose on Friday night. I made my plans to get together with some long time friends and just catch up, drink and laugh like old times.

In the midst of the get together, neighbors were invited over. For the few times I have met them and what I have gathered about them, they are a fairly odd couple, super nice people, but they are definitely meant for each other.

As the night continued and the more inebriated I became, I became more observant. I watched how the group of people worked together, communicating both verbal and non.

I thought about how the neighbors, a married couple; found each other, decided that they wanted to be with each other for the rest of their lives and how there is no one else in the world meant for either of them.

While I was contemplating the neighbors, I was thinking about how society is still so "animal" and by "animal" I mean that life is nothing short of a test of survival. We all act in the same sense of hunting and gathering and when it comes to finding the right mate; we analyze, poke and praud to find any defects in the other person so our offspring aren't all screwed up.

For some reason it has become human nature to settle for what is in front of us, so we don't have that deep feeling of loneliness.

In essence, settling for what is in front of you, telling yourself that you should be happy with what you have because there isn't another fish in the sea. sets you up for failure and heart break and you are back to being lonely.

So back to the neighbors, I watched them and took in their conversation and how they related to each other and how they communicated back and forth. The two of them together hit my previous thoughts right on the dot. They are both very intelligent, ambitious, goal oriented people, but I could read both of them like a book when they spoke to each other that had a feeling of regret in their eyes. They both had helplessness plastered across their faces. They looked like they were together because they felt like they had no other options.